It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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