I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
