Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
