yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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