Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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