I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
