Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize