My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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