I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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