ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize