I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
