Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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