i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
