Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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