I heard we made out
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
