So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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