drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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