Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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