i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
