so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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