I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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