I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
