i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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