At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
