I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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