I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize