Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
