His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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