life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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