Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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