forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
