I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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