my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
