oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
