I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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