No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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