Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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