Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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