erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
love makes seman taste better
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We are all done wearing pants today
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