Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
