fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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