I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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