The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
