i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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