How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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