i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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