have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize