ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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