I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize