sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
