I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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