I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
