Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
