I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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