the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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