I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
