Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize