id be glad to
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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