It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
