Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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