i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no, he came in my armpit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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