i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
worst night to have a conscience
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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