Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
