dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
