y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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