the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
