its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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