Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize