Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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