Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
