I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
