Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
