At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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