I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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