She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
