they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
