SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
