you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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