well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
