i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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