Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
