somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I color on your dick again?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
