i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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