Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
