Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
