id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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