I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
