i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
