Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
