Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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